I have abandoned here for a long while. On and off, I would feel the urge to come here but with nothing so I resist. When people are growing up, or should say when I’m growing older, I get lesser thing to express to outsiders, lesser time to social with the net, lesser energy to waste on. Time is meant more for my existing circles. Hands holding smartphone only for whatsapp friends far away from me. It seldom rings, often beeps. Seldom selca, seldom snap photos of friend and me while hanging out but just foods and places as memories. Facebook has become an occasional thing to let me scroll on news feeds, knowing what happening nowadays. And, the election trend now makes me sick. Not that I don’t love my country, I just don’t love people becoming too aggressive or extreme. Bragging about my emotion, my life has been delisted recently. Rather than throwing into a space, I throw into my inner or just some friends. Nothing special to write about, nothing proud to share about. Or just because I have started to accept whatever it is, whatever I am. It is part of growth, I guess.

It is one of the usual weekdays. Dislike going anywhere except dinner on weekdays. Music on, flipping through book, and only myself is a good way to enjoy my no-OT life. How reluctantly to leap forward to next week which I know the business is there?

There is a better place with books. These few nights, without someone, I’m still here to survive. That night, with someone, I’m there to doubt at.


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